The noughties have generally been a good decade for horror films. There have been bona fide B-movie classics like Dead End and Planet Terror, alongside utter dreck like Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror. Yet perhaps most interesting aren’t the extreme highs and lows of the genre but the weird little movies that have popped up somewhere in the middle, having zero impact upon the public consciousness whilst doing good business on DVD and cable television. I love these kind of flicks, in fact give me a few bottles of cheap red plonk, a bowl of corn or potato based snacks and a low budget straight to DVD slasher film starring some bird who was in Dawson’s Creek and I am one happy camper.

The delicate chemistry of these films is deceptively difficult to achieve. Ideally you want it to star at least three well known faces. First up you need a hunky yet wooden leading man from one of those overly earnest teen dramas they show on E4 in the afternoon, for extra points his character must have a troubled past preferably involving losing his family in a freak accident or mining catastrophe. Next up is the obligatory sexy young lady, once again it helps if she has been plucked from a well known American TV programme, and you know you’re in safe hands if she has been made up to look ‘geeky’ or tomboyish despite being so transcendentally fit that it takes every ounce of your will power not to furiously self abuse from the opening credits onwards.

The final spot is usually filled by a quirky sidekick character that is perhaps well known as one of the bottom feeders on a crap family based sitcom, or alternately a genuine genre legend like Lance Henriksen or Brad Dourif playing a wise old father, woodsman, shopkeeper or sheriff. Again there are definite bonus points if this character comes a cropper near the end when they are impaled on a spike or decapitated with a pair of really sharp garden shears.

Stay Alive somewhat ups the ante on the casting front, packing in enough familiar faces to make you feel like you’re sinking into a warm, cosy, yet slightly creepy bath (imagine the one that girl in the 1980s Cadburys Flake ad used to lie in and you’re getting there). There’s the kid who plays the title role on Malcolm in the Middle as a sideways-sun visor wearing tech-nerd, whilst the babe quota is supplied by Sophia Bush from One Tree Hill and Samaire Armstrong from The OC. There’s a tortured slice of man-cake in the form of Jon Foster, as well as a small role for Friends and Saving Private Ryan star Adam Goldberg. The gravitas is provided by Wendell Pierce playing a tough New Orleans detective that isn’t a million miles away from his character Bunk from HBO’s The Wire, and for good measure Jimmi Simpson from shows like 24 and Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia pops up as a bong smoking generation X cyber freak.

The plot of the movie is pretty simple – a computer game about the infamous Countess Bathory that kills everyone who plays it. This device allows for lots of enjoyable scenes of people dying in the same way as they copped it in the game; hanging, getting run over by a horse and carriage, being bled like a dressed down deer and all manner of other fun. Like a lot of films Stay Alive loses its way somewhat in the final third but still manages to retain its charm and high-falluting premise for its admirably brisk hour and a half running time, with enough blood and creepy digital ghouls wandering about to please fans of horror survival games and movies alike. Don’t get me wrong, it’s about as scary as a particularly bland episode of Countryfile and the chances of it going down in history as a notable addition to the horror genre is as likely as seeing a black face on River Cottage, but not everything can be Suspiria -know what I mean?

Stay Alive is an enjoyable and unchallenging chiller that is best enjoyed with your internal quality filter set to low, several alcoholic beverages of your choice and a family sized bag of Co-Op own brand Bacon Bites. A real recommendation in my book…